18 weeks and bitching

Warning: Rant follows.

I'm now 18 weeks post-op from my shoulder recon. I have more strength and ROM than I did eight weeks ago, but many things are still really difficult and frustrating.

For the past two weeks I've been able to do up my own bras. BONUS! I can lift small and light things in and out of the microwave with the operated side, and I've progressed up through the therabands for most exercises. I'm allowed to put a bit of weight on my operated side, not much, but a bit. I can almost type at normal speed again, but sometimes my arm and hand just lose the plot and won't do what I tell them.

Most of the time I feel like a normal person, until I go to grab something on a high shelf and have to say "go go gadget arm" to make my arm move. Sleeping on that side isn't comfy and some days I want to have a meltdown. Most days I just keep on keeping on, pretending that this isn't as frustrating and painful as it actually is.

This is no walk in the park, no piece of cake, nor is it a happy 1950's film clip of fluffy bunnies and purring kittens. It's exhausting, frustrating, annoying and a million other things that end with -ing.

I'm almost 20 weeks down and still can't get my arm over my head properly under it's own steam. I can't do push ups and some words I just can't touch type. I can't vacuum, mop the floor or pull the blankets up on my bed. I can't change my doona cover on my own, move the furniture or ride my bike. I can't swim, I can't lift stuff and I can't do anything repetitive.

I'm not even out of the woods yet - I'm not safe until the seven month mark, which is February. There is still a huge risk of the repair coming apart, hence why I can't put too much weight on the arm or do anything fun like swim freestyle or throw a footy.

At the 12 month mark (July 2013) we will know if the operation has been successful and if so, how successful. I may achieve a 90% return of pre-injury strength and function at best. I'd settle for 50% right now, I think I'm about 35-40% at present.

My muscle is slowly returning but I can no longer say that my arms and shoulders are my best feature and selling point as a PT, because I'm no longer a PT and I no longer have two great arms and shoulders. I worked bloody hard to get what I had in terms of muscle tone and definition. Even my lats have waisted and my whole body is now lopsided. Whoever said this would be easy needs a knuckle sandwich.

Bring on 12 months and one day post-op, so I can see a lawyer about compensation for the two years of lost earnings from not being able to work as a PT, and for the pain and suffering incurred.

And then bring on my big holiday to Malaysia and Singapore - that's "Singalaysia" or "Malaysiapore" to me, depending on my mood!

/endrant