Revelations by the refrigerator light

I had a BFO last night.

For those who don't know what a BFO is, it stands for "Blinding Flash of the Obvious". One of those Eureka! moments where something jumps up and high fives you in the face.

I realised that I'd started comfort eating in a big way towards the end of my degree studies in 2006. Right before my final exam for my final paper, actually. I'd spent five years working towards this Bachelor degree and all of a sudden my need for certainty was no longer going to be met by study. It was over.

I now had nothing to fill my evenings and weekends. Nothing to fill my public holidays, nothing to fill my wee small hours of the night, no excuse for a few beers before smashing out an essay, no reason to get up at stupid o'clock to bash out an assignment.

So, I was now bored and about six months off graduation. Instead of doing something useful, like taking up dancing or joining the gym, I took up eating. Eating gave me certainty, it gave me control and it gave me comfort.

Fail.

By the time graduation rolled around in May 2007 I was starting to look like the back end of a family car. By the time I went on my big adventure to Singapore and Malaysia for the first time in September 2007, I had a giant saggy gut - then I discovered grape soda. By the time I hit my first Microsoft Tech Ed conference in 2008 I was looking like the back end of a bus. By the time I had my worst ever photo taken in December 2008, I was the back end of a bus.

Two years of comfort eating had me pack on about 40kg. I was already climbing my way up to hospital scales while studying (stress apparently turns you into cookie monster), but I can distinctly remember the day in the Doctor's office when his scales said "Error". They stopped at 125kg.

Fast forward five years and I'm now 68kg. Instead of coming home after work and stuffing my face for the past five years, I now work out in the gym I run when I finish for the day. I treat food as fuel, not love and comfort. Sure, I still have the odd boost bar or bag of chips, but not everyday like I used to.

Life is about making decisions and for me that was choosing a better path. I chose to decide to take action and change my love of food to a love for myself. I enlisted the help of experts, got good advice, put in the hard yards, set the goals and achieved them.

No, it hasn't always been plain sailing, but nothing in life worth doing, having or achieving ever is.

I can't control things too tightly or my need for certainty is overtaken by my need for variety (uncertainty). I don't plan my meals a week in advance as I eat pretty much the same thing for lunch every day. I have the same thing for Saturday lunch most weeks. I have oats, muesli or toast for breakfast. I have two coffees a day. I drink 2L of water. That's enough control!

So, a very profound BFO - thanks brain for the flashback. Now I can start using NLP techniques to erase it!