A few years ago I stumbled upon the movie "28 Days", starring Sandra Bullock et al. I was in a video shop in Auckland and it looked like a good way to waste a few hours, so I hired it. Little did I know that there were a few good life lessons to come from this odd pairing of Sandra Bullock and Viggo Mortensen.
If you haven't seen the movie, Sandra Bullock plays Gracie, a walking disaster alcoholic party girl with a party boy live-in boyfriend named Jasper. She's been a mess most of her adult life, but after she trashes her older sister's wedding, crashes a limousine into a house and destroys a wedding cake, she ends up sentenced to 28 days in a rehab facility.
The movie obviously reveals that Gracie has issues with prescription drugs and alcohol, which together with the partying, she is using to block out the pain and hurt of her past. She ends up in a group of addicts of all kinds - sex, drugs, alcohol, you name it - and it takes a nasty accident for Gracie to learn how to ask for help.
There's another rather famous actor from most of my favourite Adam Sandler movies (watch it and figure it out for yourself, I can't give everything away!) who plays a counsellor and recovering addict. He is asked in a group session how one would know when one is ready for a relationship. His immortal words in response to this question are not too far off those I have used to paraphrased his response into:
"In a year's time, get a plant. If the plant is still alive one year later, get a pet. If the pet and the plant are both alive a year after that, then you're ready."
I have no issues with pets - I've had cats most of my life and my current fur baby turns nine this year. I've had her since she was 10 weeks old, moved her over from NZ with me and she's never too far away at any given time.
I've previously had a pretty rocky road with plants. That is, until last year, when I went on a horticultural bender and bought a Happy Houseplant (a Dracaena) which I named Harold. A week later, I bought an Aloe Vera plant and another succulent - both of these were low maintenance and a bit spiky, just like me. Fast forward another month and my collection of succulents increased by a further six plants! Finally, for Christmas last year, I bought myself a baby lucky bamboo plant.
I'm proud to say that my plants are all still alive and Harold in particular is a very happy houseplant indeed He's tripled in size and will definitely need a re-pot soon as he's getting too big for his current abode. I've named his other two stems Harriet and Harry - who will be moving to pots of their own soon. I may even take one of them to work to green up my office.
We're four months down, I haven't killed any plants and my cat has been alive for 8.5 years. I guess I'd be ready for a relationship in eight months or so - if I wanted one, that is.
I'm pretty happy flying solo. I can go where I want and do what I want, when I want. I don't have to worry about anyone getting grumpy sitting home alone if I do six yoga classes a week (well, except for the cat, but she forgets when I get home). I can go away and my neighbours will feed the cat. I don't have to worry about someone else sneaking naughty food into the house. I have the blankets and bed almost all to myself as well - although sadly the cat steals at least one third of the bed.
If someone came along who has beliefs and values that are truly in alignment with mine, then that's awesome. If he happened to love all the things I love to do, even better. I'm not convinced this person exists and I'm not changing myself to suit a man who doesn't gel with my groove, so until such time as this magical guy rocks up to my front door with a yoga mat under one arm and a slab of coconut water under the other, while singing MUSE songs and standing in tree pose, I'm happy steering my own ship in the direction that I want to go.
Gracie finally figured this out at the end of the movie - about 90 minutes of real time or several weeks in plot time. It's taken me nearly 37 years, but I can safely say that I know I am on the right course and there's wind in my sails.
