Lessons I learned from the movie "28 Days"

A few years ago I stumbled upon the movie "28 Days", starring Sandra Bullock et al. I was in a video shop in Auckland and it looked like a good way to waste a few hours, so I hired it. Little did I know that there were a few good life lessons to come from this odd pairing of Sandra Bullock and Viggo Mortensen. 

If you haven't seen the movie, Sandra Bullock plays Gracie, a walking disaster alcoholic party girl with a party boy live-in boyfriend named Jasper. She's been a mess most of her adult life, but after she trashes her older sister's wedding, crashes a limousine into a house and destroys a wedding cake, she ends up sentenced to 28 days in a rehab facility.

The movie obviously reveals that Gracie has issues with prescription drugs and alcohol, which together with the partying, she is using to block out the pain and hurt of her past. She ends up in a group of addicts of all kinds - sex, drugs, alcohol, you name it - and it takes a nasty accident for Gracie to learn how to ask for help.

There's another rather famous actor from most of my favourite Adam Sandler movies (watch it and figure it out for yourself, I can't give everything away!) who plays a counsellor and recovering addict. He is asked in a group session how one would know when one is ready for a relationship. His immortal words in response to this question are not too far off those I have used to paraphrased his response into:

"In a year's time, get a plant. If the plant is still alive one year later, get a pet. If the pet and the plant are both alive a year after that, then you're ready." 

I have no issues with pets - I've had cats most of my life and my current fur baby turns nine this year. I've had her since she was 10 weeks old, moved her over from NZ with me and she's never too far away at any given time. 

I've previously had a pretty rocky road with plants. That is, until last year, when I went on a horticultural bender and bought a Happy Houseplant (a Dracaena) which I named Harold. A week later, I bought an Aloe Vera plant and another succulent - both of these were low maintenance and a bit spiky, just like me. Fast forward another month and my collection of succulents increased by a further six plants! Finally, for Christmas last year, I bought myself a baby lucky bamboo plant. 

I'm proud to say that my plants are all still alive and Harold in particular is a very happy houseplant indeed He's tripled in size and will definitely need a re-pot soon as he's getting too big for his current abode. I've named his other two stems Harriet and Harry - who will be moving to pots of their own soon. I may even take one of them to work to green up my office. 

We're four months down, I haven't killed any plants and my cat has been alive for 8.5 years. I guess I'd be ready for a relationship in eight months or so - if I wanted one, that is.

I'm pretty happy flying solo. I can go where I want and do what I want, when I want. I don't have to worry about anyone getting grumpy sitting home alone if I do six yoga classes a week (well, except for the cat, but she forgets when I get home). I can go away and my neighbours will feed the cat. I don't have to worry about someone else sneaking naughty food into the house. I have the blankets and bed almost all to myself as well - although sadly the cat steals at least one third of the bed. 

If someone came along who has beliefs and values that are truly in alignment with mine, then that's awesome. If he happened to love all the things I love to do, even better. I'm not convinced this person exists and I'm not changing myself to suit a man who doesn't gel with my groove, so until such time as this magical guy rocks up to my front door with a yoga mat under one arm and a slab of coconut water under the other, while singing MUSE songs and standing in tree pose, I'm happy steering my own ship in the direction that I want to go. 

Gracie finally figured this out at the end of the movie - about 90 minutes of real time or several weeks in plot time. It's taken me nearly 37 years, but I can safely say that I know I am on the right course and there's wind in my sails. 

Get a new strategy

Every Sunday I set a few goals for the upcoming week - i.e. things that I want to be done that will move me closer to my goals. 

Last week I got a little lofty with my goals, so I wanted to:

• Complete modules 5-8 of my coaching course
• Attend Enrique Salomao's Flava Brazil Zumba Masterclass
• Meditate every day 
• Finalise my holiday itinerary
• Watch State of Origin Game 2
• Complete Personal Power II

I managed to fully complete three of these six items. I think I bit off more than I could chew, as I threw in a couple of extra goals last week in running 2km non-stop and them 3km non-stop.

So what have I completed from that list? It was all about the fun goals!

• Finalise my holiday itinerary
• Watch State of Origin Game 2
• Attend Enrique Salomao's Flava Brazil Zumba Masterclass
• Run 2km non-stop
• Run 3km non-stop

Clearly I had a need for more fun last week!  I'm pleased about that, as it has been ages since I had some fun and clearly I needed more of it!

Enrique's masterclass was fantastic - I took two members from my club along and we had a blast. They hadn't tried Zumba classes before and I hadn't been to a class since the last one I covered back in February. I love Samba but I'm not great at it, so I saw this as a chance to improve!

On the action list for the next few weeks, since I haven't completed Personal Power II yet, I haven't exactly meditated every day and I'm still on module 7 of my coaching course, I need to maybe try and complete three things a week, not six.  This is not a fail - I just need a better strategy!

Do you bite off more than you can chew, set sky high expectations for yourself or just try and get too much done?  It's time to prioritise!

Stay tuned.

Living by your Values - the key to a happy life

I recently spent a Friday night hanging out with Tony Robbins. Well, okay then - not literally. I have all of his audio programs and love nothing more than spending time listening to his amped up over-enthusiasm and passion for life. I was funshopping my values and beliefs, the good and the less than ideal.

I came up with a list of values and a list of beliefs to live by. I'll share the values a little later in this post.  The beliefs need their own post!

Four days ago, I was walking to work listening to Tony Robbins' sessions about the six human needs and I heard him say:

"People will violate their values to meet their needs."

This was such a profound revelation (aka a Eureka! or BFO ("blinding flash of the obvious") that I had to pull out my phone and whack it in as a note on the spot. Normally this would go straight into my inspiration journal or success journal, but I was two steps from a railway crossing and not about to pull out my success journal in the middle of the street.

Let me say it again:

"People will violate their values to meet their needs."

I am still processing the events of last night and I do believe on my post last night that I alluded to my refusal to violate my values for anyone or anything. I don't like living in internal conflict, so my values are non-negotiable. They are my map of the world, my compass, my road map if you will.

My values, in no particular order, include:

• Success in achieving my goals and dreams
• Fun, adventures, new experiences - which give me variety, uncertainty, confidence, happiness and positivity. 
• Knowledge and learning (CAN-I or constant and never ending improvement)
• Health and fitness
• Helping others
• Trust, honesty, loyalty, reliability, friendship
• Order, control, organisation and planning - which give me certainty
• Relaxation and chill out time to recharge my emotional, spiritual, physical and mental batteries
• Time to myself, for myself, to be present with myself and work on developing myself, my talents, my abilities, my knowledge and my strengths
• Love and connection

The situation that I cryptically alluded to last night was ultimately going to violate quite a few of my values if it had gone the way I thought I wanted it to. 

I don't think I could successfully function in my life and achieve everything on my 101 things list with that kind of internal conflict going on. I know myself too well - it's not worth the drama. 

I am fiercely loyal to those people and things in my life that I love. For example, my family, my friends and my love of the NSW Blues State of Origin team. I will never, ever support QLD. 

I also value honesty and hate being led up the garden path. I prefer to be straight with people and expect the same courtesy from them. Obviously everyone's map is different and I know that - but two maps at polar opposites are just not going to mesh well. It will all end in tears. 

I need lots of certainty or I feel mentally out of control; but at the same time I need some uncertainty / variety to keep a balance. I can plan most things down to the minute but most times I pull back and just go with the flow. I just can't function with too much flow!  

I just cannot live by someone else's map. 

Have you had times where you've violated your own values and tried to live by another person's values instead? 

How did that make you feel?

Was it successful?