Since my tumble off the treadmill last month, I've honestly not felt like training most days. It hurts like hell no matter what I do, being injured is tiring in itself, and there was a small case of bung shoulder, major bruising and a festy knee. I've been banned from swimming for the past few weeks, I could barely walk for two weeks, I didn't have enough flexion in my left knee to bike for a week or so, and my shoulder still frigging hurts.
I re-read some old blog posts and noticed a disturbing pattern. Whenever I get injured, I lose the plot. It takes a while to get the plot back - and for me to really want to train again. Identifying this is good, because I can talk it over with head coach and the whipper snapper, to find some solutions to my silly pattern around being injured and then the resultant slacking.
I really need to HTFU and get on with it. I really want to do NZ - it's been a dream for years. I currently only half want to do Yeppoon, which is worrying. It's a C race, which is probably accounting for half the state of mind around wanting to pull the pin on it. I'm not overly emotionally invested in this race, but I have been telling all my PT clients and new gym members that I'm doing Yeppoon, I've bought airfares and entered the race, I've been training for months, I've jacked up a cheap cabin to share with another athlete in my squad, I've booked time off work, I'm refusing to sell my bike pod even though I need the money...get the picture?
The other half of this stupid state I think I can put down to fear - of failure, of success, of jellyfish, of rain, of crashing off the bike, of bonking and not finishing, of the pain after the race, of injury, of finishing, of not making the cut-off times, of not getting an official time, of my cleats and pedals, of aerobars, of my shoulder letting me down on race day, of my knees letting me down on race day, of my tailbone letting me down on race day, of me letting me down on race day, of my bike being left on a tarmac somewhere - the list goes on!
Many of these fears I can do something about - e.g. wearing my wetsuit to ward off jellies, training hard so that I can finish the race, doing time trials to make sure I can meet the cut off times, practising my clip in and de-cleat, doing my physio exercises, practising my nutrition, spending more time in the saddle, getting better knicks so my butt doesn't get so cranky, my shitty attitude right now, etc.
Things I can't do anything about:
Rain, post-race pain, crashing on the bike course, the airline screwing with transporting my bike, jellyfish presence, race day conditions that are outside my control, etc.
I've been working like crazy for the past couple of weeks, picking up every extra hour / PT client / shift I can get my hands on. I've done mystery shopping, attended market research focus groups, cashed in airpoints for vouchers, and drunk instant coffee instead of espresso. I've not bought any magazines this month, I've not had a meal out and I've hardly left the house except for work and runs and bike rides.
I'm also about to start a couple of direct selling opportunities, to try and get some eggs out of the fitness basket and into other baskets! I should also find a couple of dogs to walk for a nominal fee, or some pamphlets to deliver, or something to encourage me to do more foot km! I did walk/run from work to Southern Cross today, the long way, which was about 6km.
Why all this fiscal craziness? Because money is tight and my savings have finally run out. I've come to the realisation that my reality cheque has been cashed and it's time to knuckle down. I'm not earning megabucks anymore, and if I take a day off now I don't get paid for it. The cat refuses to get a job and I'll be damned if I'm getting a second job this side of Yeppoon. If I do, I'll have less time to train. It's bad enough that I have to go to NZ for three days and not get paid for the time off. That following fortnight is going to be VERY lean!
So my best hope is doing more PT off shift, and more evening work so that I still have at least half the day left to train during the week. I need to start building up reserves for the NZ trip, for Yeppoon and for Taupo. I've got a a few things to buy this side of Yeppoon (new cleats and pedals, aeros, etc).
Time to sleep - another day tomorrow and I'm meeting the whipper snapper for a ride at 9am.
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