Green tea - the last hippie bastion has finally fallen

Hell has finally frozen over. I'm drinking green tea and I am enjoying it. 

In my search to re-create moments from my amazing Malaysian adventure, I've been seeking out Lemongrass and Ginger tea, in the vain hope that I can find one that tastes like the amazing one that I had at Alun-Alun spa in Langkawi. So far, no good.

I bought a box of Lemongrass and Ginger tea in Tesco in KL but that doesn't taste like Alun-Alun's tea which I'm sure was black tea. Apparently the one I bought was green tea. Slight fail.

Green tea always tasted like crap before. Well, maybe not crap exactly. Perhaps more like rancid soy milk with stalks of gosh-only-knows-what steeped in it. Regardless, no good. Until now.

I bought a box of green tea with Lemon and Lemongrass in it one day at Safeway here in Melbourne and thought "well, stuff your ginger then". This tea also does not taste like Alun-Alun's tea, but guess what? I'm loving it.

As I'm sitting here typing this anecdote with a glass of green tea on the desk next to me, I'm feeling rather pleased with myself. Green tea is not the evil pond scum juice I remember it being years ago. Sure, it's not coconut water or Malaysian iced coffee, but it's pretty good. And it's not coffee. It's hydrating, relaxing and good for me. It's full of antioxidants and health benefits. It will help me flush out toxins. And so on and so forth.

What has this got to do with life coaching? Well, remember my quest to just say yes, have more fun, try new stuff, get over myself and have more adventures? Yes? Good! This was a bit of an adventure and I'm glad I got over myself, just said yes, tried something new and I am now enjoying green tea.

Baby steps eventually lead to a marathon. That is all.

I can see savasana by the UV lights...

I've had a bit of quantum shift since returning from Malaysia.

The first three weeks back were filled with chaos, stress, drama and more nonsense than you can shake a stick at. I was struggling to cope with the jet lag and time difference, let alone the climatic issues of going from 34 degrees celsius to 8 degrees celsius.

I came back from my trip realising that I was tired, tired and yet more tired. Emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually tired. Actually, not just tired - freaking exhausted, in all senses of the word.

I was tired of stress and drama and other people's issues with themselves being projected at me in the form of nasty little missiles. Tired of letting my mind run off on wild tangents. Tired of being tired, stressed and exhausted. Tired of not having enough time for myself and always shunting myself and my needs into second fiddle playing position. Tired of taking on other people's crap. And finally, I was tired of letting my mind be disturbed by all kinds of external influences in addition to the internal ones!

To cut a long story short, I turned to yoga in a big way to get over myself, get away from the stress, get out of my comfort zone and get into a nice peaceful sanctuary that is mine, all mine, mwah ha ha ha!

Why yoga? Well, in the past when I've been totally stressed and over everything, I've turned to yoga and meditation. I've used yoga as a tool previously to deal with stress, manage my relaxation and generally chill the heck out after crazy weeks at a hideously stressful past job. I need discipline and structure and coaching with my yoga practice, which I've found at the local yoga school.

The local yoga school is about eight minutes walk from work and about 12 minutes walk from home. It's my sanctuary away from my home sanctuary, a place that I have just for me, where I can go and do asanas and breathe and hiss and bend and stretch and generally turn inward to focus on my breathing and on being present for about 75 minutes three to four times a week.

We do Vinyasa, which I love as it's flowing and structured and logical - which suits my need for structure (certainty); but at the same time we don't do the same things each class and I have two different teachers for the three classes I do each week - which suits my need for variety (uncertainty).

I attended my first "glow yoga" class the week I returned from Malaysia as a way to help me get over my jet lag. It was awesome - yoga in neon clothing to funky beats under UV lights. It was heavenly, peaceful, funky, fun and sedate all at once. I wore a neon yellow top that I bought in KL for about $3 AUD which has little silver metal studs all over it. Apparently it looks like a nuclear explosion under the UV lights. Oh dear.

A few days later I did a savasana workshop, which was transformative, enlightening and kicked off a journey down a yoga path I've never walked before. Savasana is that final part of every yoga class that I have lovingly referred to as "blankie time" in the past, where you loll about on the floor on your mat, for relaxation time. In the workshop, we spent a great deal of the 2.5 hours in savasana (corpse pose), getting comfortable and familiar with savasana.

At some point during the workshop, we did Yoga Nidra, which is a guided relaxation. During Yoga Nidra, the room went still, quiet and black. It was like an out of body experience. It was awesome. I have Yoga Nidra in my iTunes collection, so I'll be whacking it into a playlist if I haven't do so already.

Since then, I've been going to classes very consistently for several weeks. I started with twice a week and now I go three times a week with two evening classes and one Sunday morning class. I may look at adding in a fourth class on a Saturday morning, when time permits. I do like to have one day on the weekend to run around like a crazy woman and do stuff like shopping and laundry and hair appointments. We'll see.

This fourth week back from my adventure has been less stressful, less challenging and less taxing mentally. I've started making leaving on time for yoga a non-negotiable item on my to-do list. It's a very important medical appointment that I cannot cancel. I'm finally back on Aussie time and over the time difference and the jet lag. Yes there has been a lot of drama in my day job recently, but I believe the worst is over now.

Well, until the next full moon anyway.

The Malaysian Adventure

I'm not going to go into millions of details on this blog about my Malaysian adventures. Instead, you can head on over to my Adventure Blog and read all about it there.

I will however go into detail about how I went all smackdown on two fears that have plagued me for years - flying and heights.

The flying thing has been a serious mind pest since a particularly less than ideal flight from Auckland to Brisbane in 2000. It was the most violently turbulent and scariest flight I've ever experienced. It wasn't like the odd air pocket - this was almost diversion to another country material. I've flown over the Rockies in the USA and that had nothing on this one particular flight. Seriously, I've let myself be totally traumatised by turbulence for 13 years. Until this trip.

When I booked the flights, I made damn sure I had to get on as many planes as possible, and that they weren't the super familiar Boeing planes I've spent pretty much all my life flying on. I wanted Airbus planes, with their different noises and different layouts. I figured seven flights in 23 days should do it, with an overnight longhaul and a daytime longhaul at either end. I wanted short flights, medium flights and long flights. I wanted to see how I'd cope with total overload.

The flight from Melbourne to KL was okay, to a point. I had new anti-anxiety medication with me, actually it was stuff that was left over from my shoulder surgery which I didn't take because I was in a vulnerable enough state without adding a new medication I hadn't tried before into the mix. To cut a long story short, I didn't take Valpam with me. I took this new stuff instead.

At the boarding gate in Melbourne I started to freak out a little so I popped one pill. By the time we boarded and took off, I was okay calm. Not one Valpam calm, but okay calm. I had my dinner, watched a movie, started watching another movie, we had our snacks, we flew off the coast of Australia and the plane started bouncing. I popped another new pill and started reciting mantras to chill out. I took a nap-type thing and dozed off for a while.

About 4am, all hell broke loose. No, not turbulence - yes, it was bouncing and the seatbelt sign came on, but that was the least of my worries. I had to sprint to the bathroom and spew my guts out. Clearly the pills didn't agree with me, so I'm glad I hadn't tried them while convalescing after my shoulder surgery. However, this also meant two things - one, I was going to have to cope without them from here on in and two, they were of SFA use to me now.

We landed uneventfully in KL about three hours later and I felt like utter shite. I'd been able to get water and cans of 100 plus on the plane, but I was now sick and starving. I had something vaguely resembling food for breakfast and an iced coffee in a can a little later. I availed myself of the massage chairs, blogged and chilled until the new plane ride to Langkawi. It was only a one hour flight and totally uneventful. To be honest, I was too sick and tired to care about turbulence, which didn't really happen anyway.

Fast forward a few days and it was a silly 35 minute plane ride to Penang. Again, no turbulence and no issues.  Three days later, a butt crack of dawn two hour flight from Penang to Kuching, Borneo. This was a little more bouncy but I had movies and music and books and a cute baby in the seat next to me to entertain myself with.

Three more days went by and it was onto an evening 1.5hr flight to Senai in Johor State. Yes, it bounced, but you have to expect that flying in and out of Borneo and over Singapore. From Johor I caught a bus to Singapore, then flew from Changi to KL. Again, no hassles. By this stage the anxiety on planes was pretty much non-existent. However, the real test was yet to come.

I'd been working through Tony Robbins' programs and my NLP certification, so I was okay with pattern interrupters and anchors and the like. I did a flight simulator in KL which really helped - I learned just how much concentration and effort and training is required to fly a plane, so I had more faith in pilots after that.

This "real test" that I speak of was my flight from KL to Melbourne. It departed KL at 1:30pm and was eight hours' duration, so I'd be awake the whole time. I hoped it wouldn't bump too much and if it did, my idea was to do Buddhist practices and recite mantras and meditate, then do Zumba moves in my seat and shimmy along to the bumps. I also planned to update my travel blog entries on my iPad, ready to copy and paste when I got home.

I needn't' have concerned myself so much with plans for the worst case scenario, as it hardly bumped at all. Sure, there were the routine "we're over Indonesia, bring on the jumping castle" moments which you must expect but other than that the flight was totally uneventful. Well, until we landed and the pilot seemed to be coming in too fast and proceeded to overshoot the runway a few hundred metres as he had to SLAM (and I mean SLAM!) on the foot pedal brakes three times to stop us.

So, flying conquered.

While in Langkawi I tackled the world's steepest cable car. I didn't think I could do it without really freaking out, but I did - and with no chemical assistance at all. While in Singapore I tackled the world's tallest observation wheel. Same deal. I went up the Petronas Towers in KL and had no issues.

Turns out I'm not scared of heights and never was. I listened to a Tony Robbins tape and discovered that I was scared of falling from a great height if the doors weren't closed properly, or scared of being trapped and not being able to get down if something bad happened. Like, whatever dude! Slim to non-existent chances of that happening. I seem to have particularly good Karma for these things.

And, tall buildings, elevators and high structures were therefore also conquered.

Remember, FEAR is an acronym for False Expectations Appearing Real. It's all a product of your mind and in Dharma, we are taught that nothing exists separate from our minds - we make it all up. So, therefore, all these fears are total made-up crap.

Awesome.

Revelations by the refrigerator light

I had a BFO last night.

For those who don't know what a BFO is, it stands for "Blinding Flash of the Obvious". One of those Eureka! moments where something jumps up and high fives you in the face.

I realised that I'd started comfort eating in a big way towards the end of my degree studies in 2006. Right before my final exam for my final paper, actually. I'd spent five years working towards this Bachelor degree and all of a sudden my need for certainty was no longer going to be met by study. It was over.

I now had nothing to fill my evenings and weekends. Nothing to fill my public holidays, nothing to fill my wee small hours of the night, no excuse for a few beers before smashing out an essay, no reason to get up at stupid o'clock to bash out an assignment.

So, I was now bored and about six months off graduation. Instead of doing something useful, like taking up dancing or joining the gym, I took up eating. Eating gave me certainty, it gave me control and it gave me comfort.

Fail.

By the time graduation rolled around in May 2007 I was starting to look like the back end of a family car. By the time I went on my big adventure to Singapore and Malaysia for the first time in September 2007, I had a giant saggy gut - then I discovered grape soda. By the time I hit my first Microsoft Tech Ed conference in 2008 I was looking like the back end of a bus. By the time I had my worst ever photo taken in December 2008, I was the back end of a bus.

Two years of comfort eating had me pack on about 40kg. I was already climbing my way up to hospital scales while studying (stress apparently turns you into cookie monster), but I can distinctly remember the day in the Doctor's office when his scales said "Error". They stopped at 125kg.

Fast forward five years and I'm now 68kg. Instead of coming home after work and stuffing my face for the past five years, I now work out in the gym I run when I finish for the day. I treat food as fuel, not love and comfort. Sure, I still have the odd boost bar or bag of chips, but not everyday like I used to.

Life is about making decisions and for me that was choosing a better path. I chose to decide to take action and change my love of food to a love for myself. I enlisted the help of experts, got good advice, put in the hard yards, set the goals and achieved them.

No, it hasn't always been plain sailing, but nothing in life worth doing, having or achieving ever is.

I can't control things too tightly or my need for certainty is overtaken by my need for variety (uncertainty). I don't plan my meals a week in advance as I eat pretty much the same thing for lunch every day. I have the same thing for Saturday lunch most weeks. I have oats, muesli or toast for breakfast. I have two coffees a day. I drink 2L of water. That's enough control!

So, a very profound BFO - thanks brain for the flashback. Now I can start using NLP techniques to erase it!

Have more fun

I made a decision back in Joe Pane's Personal Power funshop at the end of May. I decided to have more fun in my life, as I've spent the last 15 years being boring and serious.

The major source of fun for the next two months will be my upcoming adventure to Malaysia and Singapore.

Let me be clear that this is not a holiday. Holidays to me are for people who just want to sit on their butts on a beach somewhere with a nice cocktail and baste themselves in coconut oil while developing a tan that later in life may cause them health issues. Or, holidays to me are for people who just want to sit on their butts on a deck chair on a cruise ship while eating far too much at the all-you-can-eat buffet and then come back 5kg heavier. This is my map of the world - yours may of course be very different.

Holidays are not for me.  If I wanted to laze around and be bored out of my skull, I can do that at home. Or in my sleep!

I do adventures - I want to get out and see the world, experience new things, try new foods (that may or may not make me sick), take part in another culture and LIVE like there's no tomorrow. I want sun, sea, sand, rain, thunderstorms, heat, humidity, cool sea breezes, puddles, mud, bus rides, train rides, public transport, overcrowding, noise, smells, tan lines, heat, air conditioning, plane flights and everything else that comes with 22 days in Malaysia and Singapore.

In terms of the FUN I'm going to have, well, there's Legoland, Universal Studios, Lost World of Tambun, Adventure Cove Water Park, Go Green Segway Tours, Indoor Archery, Boeing 737 Flight Simulator, river cruises, cultural performances, day trips to ancient cities and holy shrines, orchid gardens, giant slides, towers, photos, lakes, hot springs, breakfast with Orang-utans, special white coffee, black pepper chicken, layer cake, batik painting, elephant rides, headhunters and a whole lot more!

It's a lot to pack in to 22 days but I've planned it to death and it's going to be EPIC!  I've scheduled time to rest, meditate, run, do yoga, sleep, eat, shower and pack bags between the cities I'm visiting, which are:

• Langkawi
• Penang
• Kuching
• Johor Bahru
• Singapore
• Kuala Lumpur
• Ipoh
• Malacca

Yes, that's 8 cities in 22 days. Yes, I am a little crazy. Yes, there are 8 flights, three big bus rides and a pair of big train rides in there. But you know what? I wouldn't have it any other way!

I'm taking myself right out of my comfort zone as although I've done three of these eight cities before, it was six years ago and I'm doing a bunch of new places and staying in different accommodation to last time! And did I mention I'm going by myself?

There's also a few massage and beauty treatments booked in and my needs for certainty and variety are being met with a great packed yet organised schedule with lots of new things to try.

Jealous yet?  Don't be - just decide to have more fun yourself and then book yourself an adventure somewhere awesome!

Get a new strategy

Every Sunday I set a few goals for the upcoming week - i.e. things that I want to be done that will move me closer to my goals. 

Last week I got a little lofty with my goals, so I wanted to:

• Complete modules 5-8 of my coaching course
• Attend Enrique Salomao's Flava Brazil Zumba Masterclass
• Meditate every day 
• Finalise my holiday itinerary
• Watch State of Origin Game 2
• Complete Personal Power II

I managed to fully complete three of these six items. I think I bit off more than I could chew, as I threw in a couple of extra goals last week in running 2km non-stop and them 3km non-stop.

So what have I completed from that list? It was all about the fun goals!

• Finalise my holiday itinerary
• Watch State of Origin Game 2
• Attend Enrique Salomao's Flava Brazil Zumba Masterclass
• Run 2km non-stop
• Run 3km non-stop

Clearly I had a need for more fun last week!  I'm pleased about that, as it has been ages since I had some fun and clearly I needed more of it!

Enrique's masterclass was fantastic - I took two members from my club along and we had a blast. They hadn't tried Zumba classes before and I hadn't been to a class since the last one I covered back in February. I love Samba but I'm not great at it, so I saw this as a chance to improve!

On the action list for the next few weeks, since I haven't completed Personal Power II yet, I haven't exactly meditated every day and I'm still on module 7 of my coaching course, I need to maybe try and complete three things a week, not six.  This is not a fail - I just need a better strategy!

Do you bite off more than you can chew, set sky high expectations for yourself or just try and get too much done?  It's time to prioritise!

Stay tuned.

Pain is weakness leaving the body

I'm in a whole world of pain today, so I will be keeping this post kinda short as I can't type very well!

I was sore on waking yesterday after Vinyasa Yoga class, but I felt I had a little more emotion still to deal with so I strapped on some boxing gloves last night and took out the remaining negative states and emotions (left over from Friday night and that I was experiencing over the weekend) on a pair of focus pads held by my new Personal Trainer.  

It felt great to be able to box again, but my goodness I am so sore today that I can barely hold a pen, let alone control a mouse or type! I am pleased and proud that I lasted as long as I did and that my shoulder barely hurts.

I'm looking at the physical pain I'm feeling today as weakness leaving the body. Those negative states and emotions are leaving my body in the form of black smoke that I am visualising as I breathe out consciously today - and will not be returning. I had a very quick meltdown with a few tears on Sunday night for the length of half a verse of a U2 song, but for the most part I'm pretty much over it.

I also visited Maggie (my medium) today, who nearly had me in stitches when a few of the tarot cards came out of the pack. Cards appearing like intuition, worthiness and meditation were just priceless.  Maggie is always spot on and so are the cards. I have lots of great ideas that I need to channel into actions and I need to meditate, remind myself that I am a strong fierce warrior and trust my intuition because it's spot on. I am worthy, I am strong, I am fierce and I am worth it!

Everything I have been hearing and reading in NLP, Tony Robbins and my coaching courses came out of those cards today. Talk about appearance to mind! 

I'm on day 7 today of meditating every day for at least 5-10 minutes first thing in the morning, whether that be through guided meditations, Buddhist meditations, affirmations, chanted meditation or listening to music and focusing on the breath. Only 358 days to go!

I am feeling calmer, more focussed and a great sense of clarity as a result of meditating. I am also feeling more centred, grounded and balanced. The "hour of power" concept that I learnt from Tony Robbins years ago and from my coaching module last week is paying off. 

I am also proud to say that I ran 2km non-stop last night after all that boxing, for the first time in over two years (since blowing out the shoulder). I was just going to do 1km, then it was 1.5km, then I decided to stop at 2km. I probably could have kept going but that's okay, I just wanted to see what 2km felt like now that I'm tiny again!

I am now researching yoga and meditation classes in Malaysia and Singapore while I'm there for three weeks, as well as running trails and I have already bought lots of groupons for massages and facial/beauty treatments while I'm away.  Three weeks to go - getting excited now!

My question for you today is, what do you have to look forward to?

Vinyasa and movies - the perfect Sunday

Sometimes it's good to break your routine in favour of creating a new one. This morning I braved the (literally) freezing cold and walked down to the local yoga studio for Vinyasa yoga. The studio opened about six months ago and this was the first time I have made the effort to get back on the mat since blowing out my shoulder two years ago.  I wanted to go last week but slept in on purpose and didn't get  there. I promised myself I'd go today instead. And I did!

My physio told me a few weeks ago to get back into yoga for strength and flexibility and boxing for power, coordination and strength, so I've now got my yoga back on and will be actioning the boxing hopefully tomorrow night.  

Vinyasa is a style of yoga that I hadn't done before. I've done Hatha and and Iyengar before, but I'm thinking that I like the flowing style of Vinyasa. I'm sure my muscles will hate my guts tomorrow (I can feel my quads already, although my hammies are nice and loose) but that's just too bad. Lots of stretching, lots of movement, lots of breathing, a bit of Om chanting and some blankie time at the end - 1hr 15mins later I was struggling to get my shoes on because I was so darn relaxed!

I trotted home from class listening to Tibetan singing bowl recordings and then headed off to the movies.  I've been wanting to see a couple of movies that were released recently so today I saw The Hangover Part 3. It was a good way to lose a couple of hours with a few laughs at the sheer ridiculousness of the situations the characters find themselves in.  Resourceful drama, as Joe Pane would say. 

I have now decided that as part of my "have more fun" pledge to myself, I will go to the movies once a month. I think I've seen four or five movies since moving to Australia three years ago - two were events courtesy of workplaces - so this needs to change. 

I've also decided that I need more yoga, so I will be doing the studio's unlimited monthly membership so that I can do Vinyasa on Thursday nights, Saturday and Sunday mornings, as well as a beginner's class straight after Saturday morning Vinyasa. I need the practice for my body, mind and spirit - it's been a hard seven months at work and it's time I started looking after myself properly with good things to focus on.

The unresourceful state I've been in since Friday night's events seems to be lifting and although I've still got some work to do around this space, making a list of all the stuff I have to organise and book for my upcoming holiday has reminded me that looking forward to stuff is far better than looking back. Why spend all my time looking in the rear view mirror when I need to be watching the speedo and the road ahead? I will be writing a list tomorrow during my hour of power of all the things I have to look forward to - believe me, there's lots of them!

Additionally, I will be encouraging a potential client to do the same this week. He is going through a marriage break up and is very wired up at the moment. I believe he needs resourceful things to channel his energies into or his mind will eat him alive. 

I'm up to module 7 of my coaching course and nearly halfway through the certified professional coach portion. I'd like to get it done before I go to Malaysia on holiday for three weeks and I dearly need to get the NLP side of things up to date also. I have downloaded all the remaining audio sessions for NLP and need to find some some NET (no extra time) to listen to it. 

I also need to find some coaching clients to work with.  Better make that a priority this week! 

I must away...work to do!

Living by your Values - the key to a happy life

I recently spent a Friday night hanging out with Tony Robbins. Well, okay then - not literally. I have all of his audio programs and love nothing more than spending time listening to his amped up over-enthusiasm and passion for life. I was funshopping my values and beliefs, the good and the less than ideal.

I came up with a list of values and a list of beliefs to live by. I'll share the values a little later in this post.  The beliefs need their own post!

Four days ago, I was walking to work listening to Tony Robbins' sessions about the six human needs and I heard him say:

"People will violate their values to meet their needs."

This was such a profound revelation (aka a Eureka! or BFO ("blinding flash of the obvious") that I had to pull out my phone and whack it in as a note on the spot. Normally this would go straight into my inspiration journal or success journal, but I was two steps from a railway crossing and not about to pull out my success journal in the middle of the street.

Let me say it again:

"People will violate their values to meet their needs."

I am still processing the events of last night and I do believe on my post last night that I alluded to my refusal to violate my values for anyone or anything. I don't like living in internal conflict, so my values are non-negotiable. They are my map of the world, my compass, my road map if you will.

My values, in no particular order, include:

• Success in achieving my goals and dreams
• Fun, adventures, new experiences - which give me variety, uncertainty, confidence, happiness and positivity. 
• Knowledge and learning (CAN-I or constant and never ending improvement)
• Health and fitness
• Helping others
• Trust, honesty, loyalty, reliability, friendship
• Order, control, organisation and planning - which give me certainty
• Relaxation and chill out time to recharge my emotional, spiritual, physical and mental batteries
• Time to myself, for myself, to be present with myself and work on developing myself, my talents, my abilities, my knowledge and my strengths
• Love and connection

The situation that I cryptically alluded to last night was ultimately going to violate quite a few of my values if it had gone the way I thought I wanted it to. 

I don't think I could successfully function in my life and achieve everything on my 101 things list with that kind of internal conflict going on. I know myself too well - it's not worth the drama. 

I am fiercely loyal to those people and things in my life that I love. For example, my family, my friends and my love of the NSW Blues State of Origin team. I will never, ever support QLD. 

I also value honesty and hate being led up the garden path. I prefer to be straight with people and expect the same courtesy from them. Obviously everyone's map is different and I know that - but two maps at polar opposites are just not going to mesh well. It will all end in tears. 

I need lots of certainty or I feel mentally out of control; but at the same time I need some uncertainty / variety to keep a balance. I can plan most things down to the minute but most times I pull back and just go with the flow. I just can't function with too much flow!  

I just cannot live by someone else's map. 

Have you had times where you've violated your own values and tried to live by another person's values instead? 

How did that make you feel?

Was it successful?

Just make a decision!

About a month ago I attended a personal development weekend funshop (note the distinction of "Funshop", as opposed to "Workshop") called "Personal Power", facilitated by the amazing Joe Pane and held at The Coaching Institute in Albert Park. It was the best weekend I've had in ages - possibly even years!

At the funshop, I made some pretty significant decisions. I took action on some of them immediately, and have been reaping the rewards. I took action on another one tonight, something that has been bugging me for months. I decided that enough was enough, I needed answers and I needed them now.

And I got answers.

Not the answers I actually wanted, but at least now I have clarity and information and a desire to move forward with the knowledge that nothing ventured really does mean nothing gained. Apologies for being a little cryptic here, but this is the public domain of the interweb and let's face it, I may be a coach in training but that doesn't mean that my whole entire life is (or indeed needs to be) an open book!

Now there's a whole lot of "should-ing" on myself going on. I should have done this months ago. I should have presupposed the outcome, I should have known that this would be exactly how it went. I should have known that things would turn out the way they did. I should have given up weeks ago. I should have...blah blah blah.

As Anthony Robbins said, "before you know it, you've just should all over yourself!"

And then there's the could haves, would haves and all the rest of the mind games going on in my head. "It could have turned out differently if only I would have...". Where will this get me? Well, it won't help me GET OVER MYSELF!!!

I am disappointed that I didn't get the result that I wanted from this taking action on this decision. Would it have been nice to have things go my way? Of course. But that's not what happened and even though a tiny wee part of myself is annoyed with myself because things didn't turn out how I wanted them to, I am proud that I had the lady balls to GET OVER MYSELF and give it a red hot crack.

I am also proud that I haven't compromised my values.

I regret nothing.   Neither does this random spinning disco chicken.